By Renee Bucci, MSc. OT, OT Reg.(Ont.)
The topic for Coping Corner was “Journaling for Mental Health” in June. This month, we are so fortunate and grateful to have a guest writer that submitted a piece of their writing for Coping Corner. Through his incredible words, we are able to showcase the power of using writing as a therapeutic and self-expressive tool. Take a read for yourself:
The Quest for Salvation:
During my life time, not that it has been a very lengthy life, I have encountered many hardships. Though there has been hard times, I have learned a vast amount about myself and my place in this existence. When I was younger, I found that things just didn’t quite add up. There wasn’t an answer to my questions. I had a lot of them. Some of them to this day are still left unanswered. It wasn’t until I was fourteen that things started to make sense to me. As if my eyes had opened for the first time. It was a weird experience to say the least. All that I remember from it is that I was sitting in a classroom, and for the first time I felt like I was thinking rationally. As if my thoughts had some semblance of coherence. Then, suddenly, my mind went blank. What that was still is unknown to me to this day. From that point on, I started to read up on philosophy and spirituality. These beautiful things have had a colossal impact on my life. They’ve taught me the value of my being, the reasons for why I think the way I do, how to recognize who you are and most importantly, why I’m here. As I’ve said previously, these things did not come easily. I struggled with a drug addiction from my early teens until I was nineteen. I am twenty now. There’s a lot of calamities that came with the addiction. It brought upon a psychosis and with repeated use after two trips to the psychiatric ward, inevitably lead to a diagnosis of schizophrenia. It has been rough for me, I can’t deny that. Although if I’d hadn’t of been treated sooner, it would’ve been much worse. I grew up without a father. I attribute a good portion of why I’ve done the things I’ve done to not having a good male influence in my life. Now, I will not blame it all on that fact. I have a wonderful mother who constantly harped on me to make the right choices. As well as grandparents who did just the same. Not having that strong male influence around, I think, really didn’t help. It was tough growing up without a father. I can only imagine the heartache I’ve put my mother through. Raising two children virtually on her own, and having to be both the mother and father to us. It makes me feel guilty for what I’ve done and I think all the time about how I wish I could go back and change things. The only thing that keeps me positive now is that I can learn from it. I can become who she knows and believes I can be. With all the power vested in me I will show her that. I will create something out of this life that was worth living for. My legacy will not be tattered by the wrongdoings, but reinforced by the good I did despite the strife. This is my mission. I owe all of the universe to those who’ve helped me throughout this quest for salvation.
– K.B. 2018, Kingston